VonCroyJr.

We're not going after the Dagger (to my knowledge). Anyway, Name: Zak “Worm” Mills Gender: Male Abilities: Medium agility, decent with computers codes, vast knowledge of mythology and ancient architecture Age: 29 Background: Zak has always been a fan of ancient mythology, so he naturally wet himself when he heard evidence of a lost Egyptian sect. With his head pounding with ideas of what he would discover in the next few days, he excitedly boarded a jet to Egypt to meet up at the site with the rest of his "team mates". Most of all, he hoped that this adventure wouldn't end like the last, with large-breasted heroins and power-hungry ex-employers, however unlikely that may be. Notice how it's the same character I used in the TR1 RPG? Except he's obviously ten years older now and has "medium" agility as opposed to "little", from his experience in Peru. ^-^

Key word was "thought". Only one more update left! Oh yeah...people are actually enjoying these. Never mind, then! Escape With the Iris a.k.a the level before Red alert!/"Hey guys! Let's bring back tightrope walking after ten levels of being without it! Our fans'll love that!" "And yeees, guns is metals..." Lines like these make me wonder how Core wasn't sued over the portrayal of Zip, the only black character in the series (at that point). "Blast! I told you fools to install a sensor that could see through clothes not skin!" Hmph! Nothing notable here, except that Zip quite literally wouldn't shut up. He got about half through a sentence and the last few words he said looped about fifteen times. Gotta love end-of-game glitches! Gah! The old windbag not only stole the Iris, but also stole all of my gold skulls! And since they're in every office, he probably handed them out as tacky secret Santa gifts! The windbag'll definitely be hearing from ME!* It disturbs me that I found chloroform in an office cabinet. Geez, I never hated a job that much! O.O Oh, that's just plain cruel. Why was there a large medical kit in a Women's Restroom stall? You know what, I don't want to know now that I think of it. Such a loyal work-force. That or they're all deaf. "Geez, I finally get a break from that yappity Zip and what's the first thing I hear when I wake up? Zip, I'm going to kill you. Molten lava in an elevator shaft. Eh, at this point I'm not surprised. Oh just screw you, Core Design...you'll definitely be hearing from me, too.** Yay, more tasty death water! ^-^ Because two crusty old windbags are better than one. You! Didn't I kill you?! *:And by "hearing" I mean "getting his guts ripped out" and by "ME" I mean Karel. Eh, yes that's a spoiler, but who seriously hasn't played AoD yet?! if you haven't, don't **: By hearing I meant "get fired" and by "me" I mean "Eidos" Hope you like making crappy pre-schooler PC games you stupid, stupid company

You might want to read my post. I had told people that they could guess on which game I'd be doing next (and no you can't answer since you already know; that goes for you too Gia). Boaz was saying "Is it [the next thread] AoD?" not if this thread covered AoD. And I thought you were the smarter one! j/k Also, Pheonix, what does that even have to do with this thread? You could just PM Boaz.

You forgot to mention the poison gas and bio-suited gunmen! Anyway, I'll update later today by editing into this post. I'm currently looking for the disc for the next game I'm going to make a thread for (maybe) but I can't find it. You're all welcome to guess which one it is, btw. I'm going to officially announce it (that is if I don't decide against it) at the end of Red alert's update. 13th Floor a.k.a GOD ZIP IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I WILL THROTTLE YOU! This is, what, the third time I've had to point out the drastic changes in weather? Core must've had the most inept people ever. HULK SMAAAAAAASH!* No snarky comments on this shot, I just want to point out that I just noticed that VCI's symbol is a V, C, and I combined. :S Nothing here either, I just wanted to take a screencap of Zip's face. It probably scares children. Gives them nightmares, even! So very....blocky! Yay, something to strike Zip's ugly mug with! ^-^ "Zip, not to put you on edge or anything, but if you don't shut up this will be your neck when or if I get back." Of course Zip didn't listen. :S "Breaking into a heavily guarded New York technical facility can be so trying on the thirst, right Lara?" "YES! That's why I drink Luco--I mean Fizwiz Cola!"** "Let me tell you about the wabbits..." *** "Hey Joe." "Hi Bob." "So how's the wife doing?" "Well Joe--"*POW* "OH MY G--"*POW* I show little sympathy for Lara in this situation. "Oh don't mind me, I'm just stealing an access card in an attempt to further the massacre and robbery of this facility!" "S'okay!" "MY EYES! MY EYES!!!!" "Hey Zip, how about we talk loudly in an echoing room with an armed-to-the-teeth security guard right below us!?!" Awww, look at those cute little-- ACK GET THEM OFF ME!!!! Oh come on now, he's looking straight at her *:The audio/visuals in this scene were painfully out of synch, at least for me. i seemed to have more audio bugs than anything (thank god) **:Yep, I just recycled a joke I used in a non-SAA thread. Whaaaat?! It's near the end of the game and it's VCI what do you expect?! ***:Wheather his name was George or not is beyond me. However, I know Lara's name isn't Lenny.

Geez, I'm eventually going to have to beat you all of with a stick! Old Mill a.k.a *swing**jump**crack* Hey, look, a nice horsey-man! Hello friend! Horsey-man no want friend? We've finally reached it! The most annoying section in the game! "Hm....that one section of the fence is oddly miscolored. I wonder if the developers are hinting at something? Eh, probably not." You're bound to lose a good 80% of your health if not all in this section! And what's your reward?! A large medipack that you desperately need, making the whole situation a waste of time! I could cut the irony with a knife. "Silly large-breasted mortal! Crudely drawn Pagan symbols do not stop a Catholic demon like myself!" Seriously, if this game criss-crosses religions one more time, I'm going to scream. "No worries, girl. I'm merely fainted, not dead although my eyes are wide open!" Lousy good-for-nothing Core Design with their laziness! "Nope, I can't cross running water! That's why I built a bridge across the moat that I could easily cross if I didn't get distracted by lecturing large-breasted teenage girls and snapping priests' necks! "Away, vile hag! I've already had to deal with one creepy pedophile tonight!" Yay, the midgets come in handy! I almost forgive you for throwing rocks at me while I was trying to make a complex jump! Too bad the key word was "almost"! *stomp*" I knew something was missing from this game. It just wasn't annoying enough already. Luckily, they threw in a timed run at the last minute! I hate you, Core Design. Up on the rooftops click click cl--*snap*! This is sadly the first but not only time she releases an evil otherworldly creature... *sigh* Lara, will you ever learn?* Yay, we're done with Ireland! Wait....if we've finished Rome, Russia and Ireland's levelsets then that must mean... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!** *:Isn't having left over images from the "SAA Playthrough of TR4" thread great?! **: If you don't get that reference then you need to go out and rent Star Wars Episode III. Now.

Which will be no problem for me since.... .... ..... I COMPLETED TR5 LAST NIGHT!!!!!

On with the show! This is getting a little hectic, since I'm already near the end of the game (last portion of "Red alert!") yet I still have to make updates for Old Mill and all of VCI (which tends to blend together) after this one! LABYRINTH a.k.a Well, I'm not sleeping tonight! Nightmare fuel, ahoy! I think this is the tackiest looking church I have ever seen. Purple leopard skin walls? Come on now. It's like Where's Waldo but with BLOODTHIRSTY SKELETONS! This scene is a highlight of the game. Not because of the sheer creepiness, but because on the happy-go-lucky carnival music that plays during it. I wonder how Lara managed to sleep again ever after seeing stuff like this... Look, the Tome of Eternal Darkness! Whoops...wrong franchise!* The damn light thing moves like someone's grandma, but at least it's not screaming "Hey listen!" every five seconds!** It was too fast to picture, but Lara was just walking along and slipped, doing a complete 360 in the air. Wow, can we say clumsy?!?! *: There was a game that came out close to this one for the Dreamcast (???) called Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem that featured a similar looking book. Huzzah for nerdiness! **: For the few people that actually got that joke, thank you. Zelda: Ocarina of Time

LEVEL VIII: Gallows Tree a.k.a: OMG I NEARLY SAW LARA'S BOOBS!!!* I hope I can jump like a gazelle when I'm 16. These things will stalk Lara for the rest of her adventures (or at least the ones covered in this game). If I was her, I'd be a little creeped out. "I have gifts for theeeee...." "How do I know you're not just one of those pedophiles?" "Yep, I ripped my heart out, strung myself up, and let myself rot JUST to seduce you!" "Good point..." "So let me get this straight. You want me to swandive from a dizzying height into that little water-filled opening?!" "Yep." "'Kay!" ^-^ Home invasion is fun. "Ooh, a choker necklace! I always wanted one of these!" *yoink* Frickin' klepto. Oh, that fence is just asking to be obliterated!** "OH SNAP!" "Yeeees....yeeeeeees.....burn, BUUUURN! Oh....hi Father Patrick. " Behold! Whatwouldbeironifcore'stexturingpeopleweren'tsodamnlazy!" "Nooooo....my only weakness!" Huh. I guess Father Patrick was right about their being nothing down here... I've never been so terrified by munchkins. *:Except she was only 16 in the FMV so if you got that excited about it, you need therapy. **: Lara was also very sad that she had to use her new necklace.

If you really want to see the game played, I wouldn't recommend this thread for that. This is more like something for people that have already played and want to look back and laugh. Completely fine if you're reading these without playing the game first, though! Anyway, a good source for videos of the Tomb Raider games (including TR:C) is (just type in TR5 03 etc. to see the next video) Gallows Tree should be here about Friday I guess. Remember, patience is a virtue.

Yay, more people are replying! LEVEL VII: SINKING SUBMARINE? a.k.a What? Where's VI?!* Yep, the sinking Submarine. The only reason they call it this is because "The Submarine That Instantly Sinks When You End The Level Even Though The Water Level Didn't Change At All During Gameplay" was a bit too long. Just because we're all sinking to our watery doom doesn't mean there's no time to pillage! Okay, so at other physics-defying points in TR, I can give it the benefit of the doubt. But fire on top of water? Come on, now.** Yes, firing guns at the walls of a quickly sinking ship is not dangerous at all! Even though there are exposed power lines and wreckage everywhere, the doors still work flawlessly. I haven't seen this much misuse of an interesting concept since Maria Doria! So the master switch for the entire sub's power was in a storeroom that is identical to about ten others? Gawd, the person who built this sub was a genius! Luckily, this is the last time we hear his wretched voice. Ack! Another cutscene with him! What did I do to deserve this?! Oh yeah. By giving whatshisface the spear, I pretty much killed everyone on board. Stupid karma. "Tell my story!" "You have my word..." No you don't, actually. Right after getting back she never told anyone for their "Own protection" Lying little &^%$!!! *:Because nothing with the number six in Tomb Raider ever turns out good. **:It doesn't help that it's easily one of the most annoying parts of the game! I hate jumping puzzles!

THERE WILL NOT BE AN UPDATE FOR DEAPSEA DIVE BECAUSE IT'S TOO SHORT Level V: The Submarine a.k.a Make a Beatles reference and DIE Because breaking out of captivity through ventilation shafts is a totally new and fresh idea that hasn't been done in every videogame ever. It sure is convenient that there's random rungs in a ventilation shaft that would have no purpose but to let shady spies sneak through the vents! How did this submarine pass code? It has hanging wires with enough voltage to kill someone instantly, and you can just hear the walls buckle from the water's pressure. I'm personally surprised it took a fat Russian man exploding to sink the ship! "Haha, the man thought the spy was a man because spies are usually big butch males and not large-breasted females like Lara Croft! Haha! Hahahaha!" THE GAME HAS BEEN AROUND FOR FOUR YEARS AT THIS POINT. THE PROTAGONIST HAS DOUBLE X CHROMOSOMES. WE GET IT. Jeez. The guy sounds bad enough in real life; my eardrums would probably commit suicide if I had to hear his voice with radio static and distortion. "I said medium-rare, dammit!" Lovely how there's no actual cooking/food supplies in the back of the kitchen, but there are two Colt .45s. It must suck to die right after *ehem* relieving yourself.* Why would a submarine built only for finding ancient Christian artifacts have torpedoes in it? OH GOD GET HER AWAY FROM ME.** *: Apparently if you run in fast enough, the guy's standing on the sink. .... Okay. **: Although Racoon Lara is a highlight of this awful, wretched game.

Since I've heard the dialogue multiple times, I tend to just tune everyone out and look at the scenery. Anyway, on with the show! Level IV: The Base a.k.a Lara has infinite knowledge of how to control cranes! Sorry, Mr.CraneGuy, but Lara is sadly not a cheap plush teddy bear. Oh, and before I forget: Obligitory chest sh-- I forgot that you had to keep moving... "Swiper, no swiping!" "Oh shut up you insufferable little brat!" Goodies! Yay! ^O^ Now that's just unfair. No matter how many times I play it, this part is always infuriating. Allso, it should be noted that I franticly jumped Lara around looking for the opposite opening, and I ended up going in a circle. I wish I could walk up to any particular machine and know how to control it flawlessly. You know you've hidden a secret poorly when I find it before find it while looking for the actual exit. What exactly is the point of down here? CLEAR YOUR THROAT BEFORE I PLANT A BULLET IN IT!* There was no change in water depth when Lara opened this. Who needs physics anyway, right Core? <_< This fellow had a clip of ammo for a gun he didn't even have. Crazy commies. "Sniper, no sniping!" *POW* "Good riddance!" "I just saw an annoying cartoon character get assassinated! I have no will to live! Goodbye cruel--"** Damn, a cutscene. Generic 1990s video game guy ahoy! *:He sound s like he's gagging on a frog every time he opens his godforsaken mouth! **: You could hear Lara's neck break just as the cutscene started to play.

That's Pierre DuPont. He was in TR1, killed, and was in TRC, and he was also killed. Yep, no complexes there! Anyway, Colosseum will come later today. I plan to have an update at least every other day, just to let you know. Also, to people who are just reading, please reply with something. Sometimes consistent updates aren't enough to keep a thread on the first page. Level III: The Colosseum a.k.a I thought the Colosseum was above ground? Nothing like a completely non-threatening hallway to start a level. ^-^ This was...unexpected. So let me get this straight. Not only does this level have Colosseum fighters that should've died off a few centuries ago, but said fighters also have a sub-machine gun in their quarters that was invented in the late 1940s. Okay. Whatever. Uh oh, a pull chain. These are never good.* Well, we can all see what the director of this scene had on his mind. ** No snarky commentary here (although I still think Pierre's image could break glass), but I just now noticed the blue Ns on Piere's magnums, which leads me to believe he was already employed by Natla, and was hired to kill her. However, Natla and Lara seem to not know each other in TR1. MORE COMPLEXES! I find it painfully ironic that you have to get right back in the same position to get a secret after the cutscene. Why Lara just didn't shimmy over to the secret area during the cutscene I have no idea. A big empty room with a receptacle in the middle! If Indiana Jones movies have taught me anything, it's that this is NOT going to become trapped whatsoever! Y'know, I should just stop talking. It's frozen lava! I was going to think of snarky commentary, but I was too busy dying Hey, how do I get out of here? *: I actually did the run on the first try for once. ^-^ **: If you don't get it, look at what angle Lara's shot at. Nope, not sexually charged at all.

Level II: Trajan's Markets a.k.a Why will the bell not stop ringing?! This completely baffles me. At this point, you don't need the lasersight to progress, so why is it offered to people that somehow missed it twice? EDIT: I'm an idiot. I forgot about the disembodied head fight (that nearly drives me up the wall every flipping time) The bane of my existence. * In the last level it was dusk but now it looks to be an overcast afternoon? More supposed shrine offerings. Guess what Lara did with them? Yep. Gravity defying mice that came from out of nowhere! Run! FEE FI FO FUM!!! Oh God. Look, foggy, nasty, rat infested sewers! Ew ew ew ew ew! Well, this won't end well!** I survived the fight but died almost immediately afterwards. Never misjudge the distance of a deep pool, kids. More religion crossing, this time with an egyptian ankh!*** Nope, still not foreboding! And so ends to most monotonous boss battle ever! I like to call them the Tron Dragons since they make computer'y blinking sounds when they blow away. ^-^ Ooooh, pretty liiiiight. *: My hate for these awful things can be summed up in one onomatopoeia: *CRACK* **:It was actually easier than I expected. The shotgun is a wonderful thing. ^-^ ***: And this one doesn't set in motion the end of the world, which is always a good thing.

Eh, not my favorite pic of myself but it'll do. ....is it just me or does that smile look a bit perverted?

Hello, LCOers! If you remember, I had a thread a few months ago of the same title except it was TR4, not TR5. Anyway, my computer freaked out and caused the whole thing to go south (i.e all my pictures got deleted before I could upload them and the game wouldn't even run). Anyway, I told everyone in the thread that I'd be doing TRII, but Fraps and TRII don't really like each other. Anyway, for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about (i.e didn't read my first thread), this is basically a humorous look at stuff in TR5 that either doesn't make sense, or is just plain funny. Snarky commentary included! Level I: Streets of Rome a.k.a the people of Rome are deaf Obligatory chest shot. Ok, so after roundhouse kicking a large southern man, leaping two stories down onto a hardwood floor unharmed, getting shot at and thus endangering the lives of everyone in the opera (they were CLAPPING for god's sake!), and dropkicking an oddly placed Pizza Delivery guy on his scooter, we find Lara here. Yep, not a minute into the game and she's already broken into a warehouse. Leverswitch. Leverswitch....WHO PRONOUNCES IT LIKE THAT?! Ah, you crazy brits make me laugh. . Why is there a large basin of water behind the Opera? Also, for some reason TR5 Lara takes an overly-dramatic breath of air that sounds like some ungodly animal when she gets out of water. Why is the water purple, anyway? As if breaking and entering is not enough... "OMG WHAT WAS THAT?!" Eh, if I heard a loud disembodied ringing sound after picking up a golden rose, I'd be scared witless, too. BATS! Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodoh--hey, where'd they go?! You know what? I'm not even going to say anything. Lara can just shatter as many things as she pleases in this game; I just don't care anymore!* Larson shot about fifteen times right next to a building with a revolver, yet no one even so much as bobbed their heads out of a window. Are Italians def or something?!** When would this be needed in normal everyday life?! Why does Lara know how to tightrope walk of all things?! Given that the revolver was found in a deserted ally, it was probably used for a mugging and dropped as the mugger ran. Yep, Lara just stole evidence from a crime scene. If Italy's main religion is Roman Catholicism, why in the world would there be two ornate stars of David used to open a gate? Isn't that a Jewish symbol? That's not foreboding at all. Nope. Not whatsoever. Notice how nothing is in her hands. "Gee, boss, first you tell me to shoot 'er down in broad daylight infront of a residential housing complex, then you get us all on this roof, and now you're tellin' me not to shoot her until later?" And they say Larson's the dumb one. Ugh, dumb and ugly. Care to tell me why there's a lasersight in front of a church?! ...Or a large battering ram?! ...Prince? *:But that doesn't mean I can't point it out at every instance! **: Maybe j7wild can explain?

I've seen a video of the battle, and from what I remember, you: have to adrenaline shoot one of them, which paralyzes them for a brief moment. In that moment, you have to yank one of their shields off at some point and have Lara hold the shield as cover. When the green beams to petrify Lara get shot, they should deflect from the shield back at one of the Centaurs. Shoot them some more. After a while, they should explode. I'm not sure if this would take several tries or not. Again, I'm only going off of a video I saw, so I might be wrong. The video in question: He has to petrify/shoot the Centaurs exactly three times; I'm not sure if this is the exact number you have to petrify/shoot or not.

From what I've seen, you activate the commentaries from within the level, not the main menu. I think there should be a blue crystal, similar to the save crystals in the PS1 XD that you interact with to start the commentary.

Another tip - make sure you actually have the grapple Are you sure you've completed the hedge maze to get it? Just making sure.

Tomb Raider - Never played it first hand; just watched my bro on the PS1 (gasp) Tomb Raider 2: The Dagger of Xi'an - (haven't completed it yet) Bartoli's Hideout (the only level where I wasn't constantly pumping myself with medi-packs!) Tomb Raider 3: Adventures of Lara Croft - (abandoned it at Tinnos) Temple Ruins (my fav level of all the games) Tomb raider 4: The Last Revelation - Pretty much all of the Alexandria/Coastal Ruins levels. Tomb Raider Chronicles - None of it was really worth mentioning. :S Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness - Tomb of Ancients/Hall of Seasons (Actually pretty hard levels, I just loved finally being in an actual tomb after so many levels of bleak urban Paris crap) Tomb Raider: Legend -Again, never played it first hand; watched my bro on the PS2. Tomb Raider: Anniversary - We'll find out in a few days

If you don't want to hear me babble on for a paragraph, skip to the " " Okay, so I finally[/i[ got TRII through the mail today, and what kind of TR fan would I be if I didn't drop everything and install it? Well, I guess I'm not a good one since I took time to eat cake (yay) and go squeel at Gia on IM. Anyway, after installing Lara Croft Tomb Raider II: The Dagger of Xi'an* and Fraps, I obviously wanted to start doing some material for "VCJ's superawesomeamamzing playthrough of TR2" since I pwomised in my "VCJ's SAA PT TR4"** thread. When I tried to get a picture of Lara being practically hurled into the first level, the screen went completely black for a second or so, and some small screen numbers appeared at the bottom right of my screen. This wouldn't be too much of a bother, except for the fact that I might want to get a picture of an incoming baddie or something quickly or something. My computer going blind as a bat for a second or so in these situations would make the game...difficult. ANYWAY... : Does anyone know of a program simular to Fraps that would cooperate with old games like TRII? I don't care about video capture or anything else, just screenshots. Thanks superawesomeamamzing members of LCO! *: Try saying that five times fast **: You seriously can't expect me to type out "VCJ's superawesome amazing playthrough of --" every single time, can you? That would be like trying to come up with a good reason as to WHY it sounds like a door is being cracked open really hard every time Lara does an inverse-roll!

I have to agree with some other people, the PC version is almost unforgivably bad it seems. *Lara seemed to jump in a random direction when I told her to simply jump forward (angled jumps are almost impossible) *Lara doesn't seem to be able to aim down (as previously mentioned) *The controls are relative to the camera position (which is bad when the camera seems to change position almost constantly) *The "relative-to-the-camera" moving makes swimming down twisty passages nearly impossible *The combat is just horrible. Controls, camera, everything. All things considered, I still think I'll love it on the PS2. My gripes have more to do with the fact that I never played Legend on PC so am unfamiliar with it's wacky controls. My brother seemed to do quite fine with the PS2 controls in Legend, though.

I <3 Atlantis' architecture!!!! However, I do think that it needs to be a tad darker. If the lights got tuned down to about what the room where Lara's fighting a panther(???) next to a metal cage, It would look great and VERY freaky! Upon further thought, Atlantis kinda looks like Tron mixed with the deepest layer of hell. Awesome!

I have some bad news and some good news for you all. Bad news: This thread is over. Do to my computer getting a virus, I had to back-up everything on my computer. I actually forgot to back up the ENTIRE Karnak section's screenshots! And on top of that, the computer won't re-install the game for some reason. Anyway, Good News: Since I'm getting Tomb Raider II in at most a week, I'll start a "VCJ's Superawesomeamazing playthrough of TR2" in about a week or two.

TEMPLE OF KARNAK aka Wow, that's gross. I'm surprised this hadn't happened earlier. As I said in the last update, lara drives like a madman! Considering the placement of this item, I assume that the medipack is some sort of shrine offering. Lara promptly steals it. This is the stuff that makes me wonder why Lara is respected in the Archaeological community at all. :S Lara is in hog heaven. Ah, she'll sleep well, tonight.... (At least as good as someone CAN sleep when they've just started the apocolypse) Although this pickup is a *beep* to get to, it provides a sorta nice view. (taken from the roof of the area where you get Canopic Jar 1) I honestly don't know how this entire area has laid undiscovered for Karnak's entire existance. I mean, the city of Karnak is a quite popular tourist destination, right up there with the Sphinx, yet gold trinkets in the rafters of a small building are yet to be discovered. Must...kill....self....for....secrets! "Braaaaains" Just imagine: Just two hours ago Lara was happily riding a camel with not a care in the world. Now she's triggered the end of the world and has an old windbag psycopath hot on her trails. *sigh* Only in video games, folks....